I love starting a fast at night when i don't have to get up early the next day. its already been 14 hours and i was alseep for 10 of them. so i'm feelin good. i can make it till 6 but then it may be difficult because i'll be with my sorority for the night till tomorrow at like 3. luckily i live close to where we're gonna be so for breakfast in the morning i'm just going to say that i'm going to my house. i'll just chill here for a little then go back. so ya. thats that. hopefully i can do this.
|oh my sweet sweet jesus.....
oh god. oh god. i feel so disgusting. my parents love to eat out. it disgusts me. today we had fish and chips, then i had ice cream, then my dad wanted to drive to ny for dinner. wtf??!?!? granted we were only like 45 mins away (which ended up being and hour and half.) and i wasn't hungry. but i ate it anyway. i felt bad. because i didn't want to waste their money (my meal was $18!!!). my mom said i could just take it home. but i know that i would have just thrown it out. i voiced my distress at going to ny in the first place but they wanted to go. we're supposed to go tomorrow too for brunch. i don't think i'm gonna go. my mom wants me too though. but i can't. i can't eat. i've eaten enough for 3 people for 3 weeks. i'm fat. i can see it. i can feel it which actually disgusts me even more. so heres my plan. i won't go with them. that gets me out of breakfast and lunch. then when dinner comes around i could just say that i ate a late lunch. hopefully that will work because i need to do something. i'm gonna get some diet pills tomorrow if i can. i don't want to but i need a lil boost right now. i'm not a happy camper. Current Mood: not a happy camper.
|ah yes...sweet satisfaction.
I ate so much today. but then i came up with a grand master plan! i decided that i could eat dinner but it had to be before 9:00 tonite so that i can start a fast because i'm going to the city tomorrow (without my mom). so then i decided that i would just eat some popcorn and purge it and say that i wasn't hungry for dinner!!!! so thats what i did. i'm feeling kinda sick now. but thats good. then i won't want to eat. so i'm not gonna eat for the rest of today so then by the time i wake up tomorrow i'll be on approx. hour 15. then i won't come back here till after 7 and i'll say that i already ate. i'll buy some cigarillos in the city to help with the hunger and cuz i really want one. oh cigarettes. how do i love thee? i'll be able to smoke here when i start working. speaking of working, i got a job today at charlotte russe!!!!!!! woo!!! money and an excuse not to eat!! does it get any better? yes. they have cute clothing and i'll get a discount!! woo! wow. i am excited. i start on wednesday. i gotta lie down now. i feel sick. Current Mood: sick
My paranoia finally got the best of me. all entries are private or friends only.